36.5 weeks. that point 5 matters, i promise.

*sigh*

thats what i feel like right now! ahh so much has happened since my last post. here i am, approaching 37 weeks and i cannot believe im still up walking around. seriously! no pregnant woman at 37 weeks should be allowed to do anything but sit and catch up on romantic comedies. which, by the way, i plan to do at some point this week...however at the same time, i am HATING just sitting around...i dont know how those on bed-rest stay sane. i'm finding it increasingly difficult to just sit and relax...im so anxious for him to be here.

my mind is running in a billion different directions at this moment and a lot as of late so im going to try and attempt to make this post follow some sort of structure. first...

how i feel: AHHH how i feel.
1. exhausted. but not tired...my body is just exhausted. and i dont help myself, im aware of that. im goin and goin even when im home all day. like i said above, its really hard for me to just sit around. i dont like it. i feel very bleh when i just sit and do nothing. but i know im close, cuz im just plain ol' tired.
2. i literally feel like ive been run over by a truck...haha...when i muster up the strength to do the whole "roll out of bed" routine in the morning, the walk to the bathroom is comparable to the feeling after running a marathon i presume. with every step, the bottoms of your feet start to ache and tingle as the fluids begin to seep BACK down to your ankles...(darn you fluids!)...your back creaks and feels about to give out...your head spins...its really hilarious so the only thing to do is smile and get to where you are going. let me tell you, i love my showers in the morning. not only does it wake me up but it gives my joints an opportunity to loosen up and begin to actually WORK again...so by the time i'm out of the shower i can JUST ABOUT close my hand all the way. sometimes i cant till the middle of the day...
3. thats number three...my joints. THIS i never really read about or have heard anyone talk about, but im sure im not alone....my joints feel like those of a 90 year old! in the mornings i cannot barely move or roll my ankles, bend my knees, close my hands or move my fingers really at old. forget opening up the OJ in the A.M....i gotta give it a few hours before my hands are in full functioning order. and EDITING, holy mother of pain...editing is NOT enjoyable...or typing in general...like right now! just painful...i will be happy to have the use of my joints again, without all this pain.
4. braxton hicks: yes just as of YESTERDAY ive had my brush with them...and not the occasional one, but oh, one every 1-2 minutes or so. and not just uncomfortable, but HIGHLY uncomfortable. this is why i think i wont make it to july 1st. and believe me, im trying not to jinx myself and then get my hopes up that he will be here earlier...but i REALLY dont think im gonna make it, lol.
5. throat issues: apparently josiah is taking up EVERY INCH of space in my innards because theres no room for food in my stomach anymore, and it just creeps and inches back up my esophagus in the middle of night...causing me to shoot up out of bed and swallow swallow swallow lest i just vomit...nice huh? if you werent disturbed and/or had decided to stay celibate your entire life before now, well.....I'm sorry:) haha

i think thats it for the physical symptom department. suffice it to say...im ready for this kiddo to be here!

now on to a more emotional/inward chat. im just so darn emotional. not necessarily a cry baby, just really overcome. i mean, it seems very obvious, again..and im pretty sure ive already mentioned this....but that come a few weeks from now i will no longer be pregnant. and im not gonna cry about that, lol...but its very strange to sit and dwell on that because its so normal to me right now. ive started to picture everything i do now (down to laundry and naps and driving in the car....to ironing, etc...)...well everything i do now + someone being with me at all times during those activities. what thats going to be like. how it wont be as quiet:) or as easy....how every tiny little thing i do on a daily basis is now going to involve me+1. im cherishing every tiny moment ben and i have together, alone. we were driving in the car yesterday...no ipod, no conversation...just the wind blowing through the car and our hands held on top of the drive shaft...and quiet. just quiet. and i thought...how strange that this is one of the last times this will happen. how weird that these times will so few and far between come a few weeks from now. and then my mind is wandering and i thought...HOW IRONIC...how totally backwards it is that the last few weeks you have alone with your husband you feel like total CRAP. your fat, swollen, cumbersome, cranky, emotional, irrational....why cant it be that the last few weeks of pregnancy are just heaven on earth and you feel light as a feather, healthy as an ox, as vivacious and vibrant as a child....with the energy of a marathon runner...WHY WHY WHY!!!??? why is this backwards. and ofcourse it makes no sense, but i thought..."well pregnancy is just backwards...it really should be that you feel totally terrible and like crap the entire time and with this huge belly right away, and then the last month your belly disappears and you feel amazing..." WHAT? yes this is how my mind works...there is no common sense, i realize this. it just struck me as very odd that the last moments i have with my husband where its just me and my husband...well, i feel like poo. i dont like that:(

i must say, im quite excited for this adventure. this journey. after all, thats all it is. a new milestone, a new beginning to the same life...something that will be super fun, super hard....but really, even in my last few weeks i'm realizing that though everything changes, everything stays the same. God is still there, your friends and family...still around...your marriage, still there...your love for life, your passions, your hobbies...all still there...everyday life of cooking, cleaning, working, pursuing your dreams...STILL THERE. i'm prepared for the change. and im prepared for everything to just be just like it always is. im excited about both.

so as i said earlier..a lot has happened in the past 3 weeks!
1. my last day at the salon...FOREVER...was may 29th. hallelujah and praise the lord. amen.
2. my last wedding until august was may 30th. i almost didnt make it...it was a 13 hour day for me and i was OVER standing up on my feet after 2 hours of it. haha. but i survived.
3. i finally got to start josiahs room and get ready for him to come. with TONS of help from my girlfriends...which you will see below in just a few.
4. i have ordered and purchased most of what i need for the room. his uber cool lamp is on its way, as is my moby wrap, my sweet diaper bag...oh and we are getting the crib this week..bens almost done with his dresser and we'll be picking up the changing table this week too probably, i found a rocker/glider at World Thrift for $35 which i am SO proud of...bens going to reupholster it for me...the picture wall is almost finished, and ive painted his shelves and hung up the "JH"...his clothes are in his closet....its all coming together.
5. ben and i celebrated our 5 year anniversary yesterday....holy craziness! i know. super low key...we drove down south for lunch in boca...hung out together at home, saw an afternoon movie and then went to palm beach grill for dinner....(where i started having the braxton hicks, lol)...and then spent the rest of the evening until after midnight dealing with my braxton hicks and calling my dr. and my mom and ben reading up on what i was feeling. a funny way to end our anniversary...but totally fitting for where we are in this life.

i am so happy. so blessed. my dreams are coming true. i could not ask for anything else at this point than a blessed and non-eventful delivery and healthy josiah. right now, thats what im praying for.

thanks for reading the endless novel that is my rambling life....here are some recent pics. and yes, you can say it...holy fatface! there. i said it. my face is fat. i cannot WAIT for my face not to be fat anymore. its totally NOT a good look for me.