32 weeks. can i start the countdown now?

56 days. thats it, really. and thats just when the OFFICIAL due date is...and i always think those are a load of crap. i mean, the baby comes when the baby comes. ya know? so really...i could potentially have him in the next 4-6 weeks...now THAT is exciting.

56 days. this also means that in 56 days time i could potentially be getting back into "my old body". haha. that sounds so funny...old body. like this one is new and fresh, lol. i gotta say though, i saw a pic of myself yesterday in my uber cute black skinny jeans and i found myself PINING for them to once again fit me....haha. sometimes i feel shallow for thinking like this, but come on.,...when you're used to one thing and then you blimp up into another...its hard! oh well...for now its worth it. after josiah comes its ON! i might just continue blogging and regale my "get back my body" adventures. that should be humorous.

56 days...means that in 56 days time i could be holding, feeding, changing, loving, dressing, kissing, hugging my awesome kid. and he will be awesome. i mean, im married to BEN! how could my kiddo not be rad. :) i can tell im in the home stretch....many reasons for this which i'll talk about below...but one reason is im ridiculously emotional. i mean, i cry seeing babies, watching biggest loser, opening presents (a joyous thing, right??), saying goodbye to my bro who i will see again in a week, simply TALKING to be about josiah...im not used to this! in all fairness to those who are reading this and know me, i will admit im pretty emotional NOT pregnant, but in a different way...in a passionate, melodramatic kind of way. not the tears at the aroma of johnson and johnson kind of way. sheesh! btw that lavendar fancy J&J line smells flipping amazing. seriously, how to they create literal BABY smell and bottle it up? they are genuises.

so to let you know how ive been feeling...
1. the swelling has commenced. haha. i notice it mostly at work because i stand in one spot or sit most of the day....(trying to take it easy)....and my ankles and hands get quite puffy. it also gets bad when i edit, which is like, ALL the time. sitting at my computer for 7 hours straight with my feet on the ground REALLY does a number and i get up with balloons for feet.
2. im more tired now...i cant honestly say i think ive taken ONE nap this entire pregnancy (my schedule doesnt really allow for naps...)...but i have a feeling im going to make them more frequent if i can. i feel like im sleeping a little better because i have my routine down, but my body is just so tired that it makes my mind tired too...
3. my lower back doesnt hurt anymore, but its a different kind of thing...like, it feels fatigued...sometimes just standing up at work, i feel like my lower back is about to just give out and i'll collapse. apparently josiah is going through a large "growth spurt" in the next few weeks (GREAT) so hes getting heavier and "fatiguing" my back...is that a word? i dont know so.
4. he is so active, still...but now its like reaaaally strong and defined movements. like i can sit here and go "oooop, that was a foot going from this end of my stomach to the other...". the movements are more frequent, more defined, more prolonged...does that make sense? and the strong ones feel UBER weird now.

thats pretty much it. not much to write home about....my BP is habitually low and its gong up a teensy bit and stayed there, but my doc says that normal in the 3rd trimester. as long as im below 140/90 im golden she says...im nowhere near that. regardless, a great girl i met on facebook thr0ugh a mutual friend is going to let me borrow her bp monitor for the duration of my pregnancy...pretty awesome of her. so i will be able to check it daily....SARAH this is just for you buddy! aka my second mom:)

and for those who are wondering, no i still havent started his room. HAHA. literally, i havent had a moments time. It looks like the beginning of JUNE is going to be the earliest time i can get to it...ive talked to some other girls from my church who are telling me "let people help you, aka me!!"...and i think ive decided im going to have a "do josiahs room" party and get some food and music and just get it done. i think it'll be fun. stay tuned chicas. and i really appreciate your willingness.

its a busy next 4 weekends of weddings....prayers are greatly appreciated! i just gotta get to may 31st....and then he can come whenever he wants:)

ok now for the entertainment portion...here i am at 31 weeks, my mommy took this while i was down in deland...

here are the ridiculous feet...now honestly, these look really good compared to what im lookin like today!!

here are a few more shots from my belly shoot...ms. kelley boykin took these! love em.


annnnd here are a few of me from my 60s shower that again, the lovely mrs. kelley boykin threw for me. what an amazing gal. im posting an album on facebook but these are just me..amanda took this one. NICE ANGLE buddy. haha thanks!
amanda ALSO took this one. what the crap! typical. me eating. notice that what the camera saw first to focus on was the belly...NOT my face. hmmmm.
and this one i took....this is little tessa. shes amazing...she belongs to our friends sami and russell. she loves oliver. and she was tired here. man, he looks hot with a little kiddo next to him. ;)

30 weeks. and the bikini.

ok so i dont have a 30 week picture yet today. mostly because i always forget to have ben take them of me weekly, but also because after the shenanigans i put myself through yesterday im terrified of photographic coverage of all of this. haha. oh what a day. will explain further down. but since no post is interesting without some kind of photo stimulation, here are some shots of what josiah is supposed to look like this week, and ofcourse, the "compare your child to a vegetable" pic.


cool thing is he can see light and dark now. :)

and here is what babycenter.com is comparing josiah to this week. cabbage!!


He's apparently about 3 lbs now! and around 15-16 inches long....dont ask how he is 3lbs but ive gained 30. GRR!
ok so after posting THAT for everyone to see, let me just regale my breakdown yesterday. it was not pretty.

ive been noticing some niiiice swelling going on in my ankles, toes, and hands the last few weeks...nothing too noticeable, but ya know, when the bone on the outside of your ankle starts to disappear, you take notice. so i havent exactly been taking it easy. at all. i just dont have time, seriously...its just a time issue...with the salon and my wedding season thats going on right now, i just have so much work to do.

after kate and garretts rehearsal dinner friday night in lynchburg, we came back to the hotel and i had melons for ankles. OH YEA...so i was hoping/praying they wouldnt bother me at the wedding saturday. and praise God they didnt! I'm pretty sure Friday cankles happened because i was on flights the entire morning and man they did a number on my swelling. So Sunday came, and back to the flights we went...and i was a bit swollen but again, not too bad. TUESDAY at work...i was in my nice, comfortable, cushy, SUPPORTIVE nurture mary janes all day...so you'd think id be ok. well about noon i noticed that my toes, entire top of my foot, ankles...every part of that extremity down there was BALLOONING. i started to freak out a little bit. ok a lot. i started with nervous laughter, showing the girls at the salon..."See! look at this ridiculousness!"...tried to sit as much as possible but hey, I'm a salon manager. theres a lot to do and i was running around a lot. by the time 645 came along and i was leaving the salon, i was in full on panic looking at my ankles. i stopped at target because well, a good way to reduce swelling is to swim and i'd decided i needed to start doing this every day at some point. and hello, i do not have my "last october" body so the bikini i had was literally obscene. as you can tell, ive been putting off this whole buying a "while pregnant" bikini thing. but honestly, until you start putting them on in a dressing room with mirrors on all sides you really have no idea what you TRULY look like.

well i chose the sizes i thought would be good, ofcourse they are a lot larger than what i would normally wear which was depressing but....i hadnt gone into the dressing room yet so honestly this was the MOST PLEASANT part little did i know. i started to try on. i started to panic. once you turn around and see yourself from the back and see EXACTLY what tragedies have happened to you, you just dont know....seriously, its hard to see your whole body at 7.5 months pregnant. its hard to bend over, to shave, to put on your shoes...let alone scope yourself out from behind. i realized the the top sizes were fine, and all the bottom sizes were too small. TOO SMALL! ok i know ive been blessed with some curves but THIS SIZE...too small? i literally freaked out. i calmed myself so the dressing room girls didnt call 911 or anything, got my top and bottom and got the heck outta there. saying the whole time on the way to the register that..."ok, its just 2 more months of this. you can buy this size and just wear it for two months. you can handle looking like this for 2 more months." i got to my car, and got to the I-95 on ramp and LOST IT. convulsions, crying like a baby, balling, making the people in the cars passing me feel really badly for me...the works. im talking to myself saying "ive never in my life looked like this...never in my life felt UGLY, literally a beast...."....and then I thought of ben. POOR BEN. i started to hyperventilate, i texted him (yes while driving on 95 and crying so hard i could barely see) and told him i think i was having a panic attack. i think i was, really. i started talking to myself again, partly to me partly to God saying "i wouldnt want to TOUCH me if i were him, this poor guy....what have i let happen to me?" i just felt sooo bad for Ben. seriously. and ofcourse, my ego was CRUSHED. not that i have a big one, but what little self-esteem i had i literally felt like was run over by the mack truck flying by me. it died.

if you read earlier in my blog, in the beginning...you'll see i said things like "oh i'll be fine, whatever i look like whatever i gain i'll be ok with it...its all for josiah its all worth it". and it is. dont get me wrong. in some way i still feel this way. but until you look in that mirror and see what has erupted on you in literally a few weeks time, you just cant know. and i consider myself a strong person...i was not prepared:)

i got home and sat on the couch with my feet up all night watching the biggest loser (yea, GREAT show for me to watch after my day, i know...) and law and order. oh yea, i forgot to mention that when i got home and took off my shoes, i looked down to find that my feet were PURPLE...haha. so swollen and puffy and literally purple! haha. to add to it all...:)

i was still crying when ben got home, he helped me feel better...and praise the Lord he says im still as beautiful as ever. i have to believe him and believe that he really thinks that.

if you all reading this know me, you know this is not like me!!! im pretty confident, not easily shaken...but i can tell you i think its a combination of things...
1. im emotional! hello hormones
2. i dont enjoy bikini shopping when im NOT pregnant, so this trip was just too awful for words.
3. im so ready for josiah to be here and to be a mom that i am just overwhelmed with all sorts of feelings.
4. pregnancy really DOES change everything. especially your body. and i should have been prepared after reading jenny mccarthys book because really, she is an expert (wink wink). but i just wasnt.

so today my eyes are a bit swollen, along with my ankles:) but i praise my Father because he is sovereign. he is taking care of me, taking care of josiah, and he will mend my battered pregnant body, lol. i have way too much to be thankful for to whine about how i will terrify the small child at the pool in my new bikini. for goodness sakes, i have a living little person inside of me that with Gods help..ben and I are going to love and parent and change our lives for. its going to be amazing.

so im ready for him to come now:) and im going to try and save my drama fo yo mama in the future. atleast it was a good read, huh?

in other news, i am infact 30 weeks which i cannot BELIEVE. its flown by. josiahs room has STILL not been started. heres how ive been feeling (outside of what you already read above!)
1. tired. booty tired! still not sleeping well at all. and my record for middle of the night bathroom breaks is now 7. seven times!!! thats like once every hour!
2. i feel super cumbersome. getting up and down and into cars and off the couch, well its harder than ever, haha.
3. swollen. nuff said.
4. back is sore a lot....but thats mainly because im not stretching it or working out like i should.

thats about the extent of it. and yes, i do realize this was a novel of a post. thanks for reading. :) hopefully my next post will be updated with lots of news and pictures about how im finally starting on his ROOM. we shall see.

28 week pics...

hola folks. been a crazy/ridiculous/busy/emotional/whirlwind couple of weeks. will post a 30 week me and josiah update today too, but here are some shots from my belly shoot. yes, i caved and had one done. im glad i did. MUST remember how i looked so i can know exactly how much to work out when he's outta me. :)

love Jessica Lorren.

27 weeks. seriously?

cannot BELIEVE we are this far already. HELLO EVERYONE! sorry its been a few weeks...i've had 4 weddings in the last 5 weekends so ive been kinda MIA...for everything. including my own life, haha. so before we go any further, here i am at 27 weeks. this is my "i'm mad because im huge" face." like it?



I was greeted with an un-friendly number on the scale at the ob today...i wont even tell BEN this number. BLEH! ahh all i can do is laugh and do my best to stay away from cupcakes i guess..anyhow, here are some updates.

1. josiah is cool. i mean, doing well....he's a little over a pound and a half and stretches about 14 inches heel to head. nuts! his heartbeat stays around 140-150..apparently thats normal!
2. my blood pressure is good, my belly is measuring right where it should be, and for the most part im feeling fine! my back doesnt hurt every day now, just maybe one day a week and mostly just at the salon (because im standing all day or sitting on a stool with no back....)
3. i gave up and took off my wedding band and other rings on sunday. they were starting to get pretty tight:) i ran over to kohls where i know they have sterling silver rings...and i picked up one for my right hand, as well as a thick silver band for my ring finger....its a little big right now but im sure it wont be soon enough! the best part is that all their sterling silver rings were 60% off. gotta love sales in this economy. here are my rings!



4. i am starting to really prepare for my next two months. april and may are so busy for me at the salon and traveling for photography...i'm in virginia in 2 weeks for a wedding, every sunday, monday, and tuesday in april is booked with photo shoots and meetings...im at the ob every 2 weeks now instead of 4, i have to start and finish josiahs room/aka moving my office into our bedroom/aka re-doing our bedroom to fit my office....we need to clean out the garage, i have two showers coming up, easter is almost here, i have 5 weddings in may, i have to finish registering, i have to PAINT....ahhhh! the list gets longer and longer. i so wish i could leave the salon sooner and have more time in my days but its just not going to happen. i need HELP! any takers?

5. im having a belly shoot next week. YES. i broke down. its all jess' fault...and kelley's. My friend and photographer extraordinaire Jess Cornett is doing the photo taking..Kelley is doing my makeup, and hopefully steve madden is providing my hot footwear...haha im hitting up a dsw this weekend! i figure ya know what...im huge. i have to feel hot for this shoot! what better way then to snag some peep toe pumps that scream i am fabulous? so yea stay tuned for pics from that, if im brave enough to post any.

lastly, i just wanna praise jesus. praise him because im healthy, i can walk, sit, stand, (for the most part, haha), breathe deeply and sometimes get a decents night sleep. thank him because he has kept me well and protected me from any harm or pregnancy woes. praise him because he was faithful in giving us josiah inside of me and from what we can see, josiah is doing really well. thank and praise him for supportive family and friends and relationships with people who are loving and caring and praying for us dilligently as we get closer to being parents.

alright enough sappy-ness. i AM going to bed before midnight tonight. :) peace out girl scouts!

24 1/2 week shot.

well the time has finally come where i can no longer pretend to look cute. "getting away with it" is sadly, no longer an option. i am large, and in charge. fantastic!

ok haha this picture cracks me up. i have no legs, my face is gay, i look backwards, and the way my dress is hanging im all straight in the back and WHAM round in the front. HAHA. truly horrific. BEN, i demand you take "not as retarded" pictures of me in the future!!

ok thats it for now. i'll update with a more wordy post at my 24 weeks...this thursday. because pregnant people are tired and well, im one of those pregnant people....and im tired. night!

23 weeks and feelin fine...

oh geez i'm getting railed at from all sides...i'm sorry people! these last 3 weeks have been mayhem...and february was one of my SLOW months for photography. ugh. here i am posting!! im alive...josiah is doing well...and i'd thought i'd start my post with a picture today, instead of ending it with on...

so here i am, this is actually last week...so technically 22 weeks. i'll put another post up this week with my 23 weeks belly.

things have been going well...super normal. no major happenings...just a few bumps in the road:) haha. i crack myself up. ok but really, here is what ive been dealing with/feeling lately.
1. josiah using me as a punching bag and a kickboxing partner. yes, i feel him now more than ever and man is he active. he kills me! sometimes i swear he's just taking ONE finger and WHAM, jamming it into my side. it hurts a little bit:) but other than that im liking him movin around in there. cool to feel. not as cool to feel when he decides to have dance parties as soon as i get into bed. but whatev.
2. my back is killing me. started just my lower back, now its the whole thing. im holding up a lot of weight people! im using a lot of icyhot and acetaminophen lately. and shooting weddings and just regular old photo shoots..well..at the end of it i feel like my back is going to just give out. NICE!!
3. itching. thats all im gonna say.
4. im tired and hungry again, kinda like i was in my first trimester. and more now to do than ever before! thats how it goes i guess.
5. a teensy bit of swelling...i notice it only when i try to stretch or sit on the floor or something...and mostly after a long day at the salon. ahhhh cannot wait for may 29th when there will be no more long days at the salon, or days at the salon period.

thats pretty much the jist! i had an ob appt this morning. his heartbeat is good, 150...this week he weighs just over a pound and is around 11 inches. a growin boy for sure. speaking of growing HELLO so am i. i about had a coronary right on the ob scale this morning. i literally said "holy geez" and the lady laughed at me and said..."you're tiny!". well i'm glad i look it and i dont actually have to wear my weight around on my forehead or anything. Lord have mercy..I would die. ben thinks im silly and duh, im supposed to be gaining weight which DUH i know...its just frightening to see that number. that darn number. grrr. but as long as josiah is good, im golden. :)

i know i said i would post some pics of his room...and i'm getting to it. this weekend i'm going to go ahead and move my office into our bedroom...:( not a huge fan, and ben isnt either but theres no where else for it to go. i need to start painting so thats the first step. ben is sanding down the dresser and is going to stain it black...and here are the anthropologie knobs i bought and are still currently in love with...


arent they MARVELOUS? ahhhh i love anthro. the joy of not buying new baby furniture is getting to buy new knobs:)

so lots to get to before small group..gotta go...here is a list of current baby to-do's. anyone wanna help? lol
1. paint room
2. design and buy wood for changing table
3. find and buy used pottery barn crib
4. move my office
5. get that ghetto couch of josiahs room
6. finish registering at babys r us
7. get stoked about the shower my sis is throwing me in tallahassee
8. have my belly shoot with jess
9. finish printing and framing all the b&w images for josiahs room
10. buy stuff. fun, but not on the bank account.

peace out people!

20 weeks aka i feel huge.

yea yea thats right. its finally my time to feel humongous. and i know im not! but man i just feel that way. ive had some great uninvited feedback from random people...."oh you look great" "you're so tiny!" but sometimes im convinced that people just say that because they think.."holy moly this girl must feel like a whale, gotta say something to ease the social pain..". but if i was in doubt before yesterday, well my confidence was definitely boosted while in line at publix. YES, at last an incident with a stranger in publix!! i know, its been a long time coming:) the african american girl who was checking me out says "ooooo girl, u pregnant?"....."girl you looking gooood."...."fo real how far are you? 5 months? shoooooot. you lookin good girlfriend, looking good..alright, alright, yes maam". HAHA! it was the greatest thing! i ofcourse said why thank you, seriously, thank you very much. but i left feeling very validated.

so about the feeling huge, heres why: ok i basically, well...roll out of bed now. there is no just "sitting up"...you roll over and roll off. haha. its really quite funny. and because of my protruding belly, my laugh has changed! i know, its really weird....but it has! its like, deeper, and harder to make a noise come out. its just kind of an erratic, quiet...hysterical laugh. especially when im laying down, oh man. i can barely get a laugh out! still reading belly laughs by jenny mccarthy and seriously, ben laughs at me because i laugh so hard in bed. i was CRYING, real huge baby tears reading the chapter on how your body changes. this laugh thing, its really funny. haha.
oh yea and its hard to slouch. my mom would be super proud:) i cannot slouch...it hurts! everything all squishes together and im like..."um, AIR!". oh and my back is starting to hurt...lower back. such fun!

its been kind of hard these last few weeks, just getting used to the physical changes. literally ive popped out in the last 2 weeks...its kinda scary! im not worried, its just very scary to look at yourself and realize you have no recollection of what your body used to look like. seriously! none. i know it wont be like this forever, but for now its going to take some getting used to:)

it was also a hard week because most of you know from facebook, that ben and i had to put norman to sleep on saturday. very unexpected..he was going to be 3 years old tomorrow...and we didnt know that he was ill but apparently hes been sick for a while, and got really bad really fast. it was hands down the worst day of both ben and i's life. i still cant go into it without crying and losing it, which isnt good for me or josiah or my stress level...so just be praying for ben and I. it still hurts a lot.

in other josiah news, i still havent really felt this kid move around! hes driving me crazy, i am dying to feel him. and i know hes moving around, because our last two sonograms he was a wild man...flipping around, standing on his head, throwing his hands and arms everywhere...i dont know if its just cuz i dont really know what to look out for, or if im so a.d.d that he is where i can feel him and i dont notice because im not paying attention..i dont know~ but everyones telling me that once they start you want them to stop. i dont necessarily know that that will be the case with me:) i cant wait to have dance parties in my belly! super cool.

i ordered enlargements and prints of a bunch of B&W images yesterday to start framing and putting in his room. i have to find the shade of blue i want first and then paint...ben hates to paint, so graham agreed to be my helper for the day! im very excited to get everything started. plus, ben and i registered at target, pottery barn kids...and we still need to go to ikea and babys r us. hey, im trying to give people options:)

alright the entertainment portion is here. here i am at 19 weeks....
and here i am at 20 weeks! taken yesterday....credit ben for making me laugh.
and heres my kid. sweet profile huh?
alright thats it for now. hope i gave you all some laughs for the night!!